If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
