My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I supernannyed him into submission
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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