some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
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I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
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What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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