Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
