Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
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I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
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Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle