It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
