Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day. http://tfl.nu/f2q9
  Replies (16) Good night (1427) Bad night (3484)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing? http://tfl.nu/o8yl
  Replies (51) Good night (4551) Bad night (1046)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet http://tfl.nu/ryzv
  Replies (19) Good night (4706) Bad night (537)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B. http://tfl.nu/2oen
  Replies (38) Good night (5064) Bad night (2007)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end. http://tfl.nu/kio4
  Replies (21) Good night (2763) Bad night (1374)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant? http://tfl.nu/svwz
  Replies (8) Good night (1981) Bad night (974)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Beer Popsicles are better in theory

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Beer Popsicles are better in theory http://tfl.nu/iyrx
  Replies (9) Good night (2036) Bad night (953)
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone http://tfl.nu/c8bq
  Replies (9) Good night (3464) Bad night (684)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door? http://tfl.nu/0vtl
  Replies (5) Good night (1448) Bad night (621)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals http://tfl.nu/i9zu
  Replies (12) Good night (2053) Bad night (605)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): 1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills. http://tfl.nu/lzae
  Replies (10) Good night (1454) Bad night (578)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat. http://tfl.nu/hchn
  Replies (2) Good night (1185) Bad night (369)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas. http://tfl.nu/opmh
  Replies (5) Good night (1691) Bad night (413)
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  WTF DUDE?

  (323): View more from California

  Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): WTF DUDE? (323): Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this http://tfl.nu/ooar
  Replies (6) Good night (1135) Bad night (485)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle http://tfl.nu/f8qt
  Replies (6) Good night (226) Bad night (768)

Randomize