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I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
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