He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet