based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s