Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis