So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.