Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
