I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
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She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
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I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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