i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
