I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
