I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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