oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
