It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's never too late to be topless.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
