I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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