The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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