She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
