The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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