yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I supernannyed him into submission
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
