I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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