I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
