I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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