how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
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