ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
