If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
