you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
did i just pee glitter
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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