All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
