I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Randomize
