I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
