I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
