yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
