I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
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Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
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I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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