I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
