Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
