wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
