I can text with my tongue
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
