He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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