it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
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I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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