his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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