Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
