pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
