bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
should my penis look like a turkey
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
