I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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