i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize