My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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