So gin and wine won't be happening again
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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