If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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