Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
