I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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