could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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