Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
