You're my little dorito
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
