I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.