i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.