i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Pants are for mortals
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