at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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