I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
