just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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