I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
