Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
