He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
