Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
